Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
