he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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