She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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