Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
