she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
