i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
