Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
