shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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