I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
