I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
