I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
