How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
