your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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