so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
