Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I stole a fireplace last night.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
