In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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