i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
