So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
