dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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