are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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