i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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