His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
