I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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