i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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