end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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