Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
