No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
