Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
