What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
