I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
