I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize