so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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