Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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