I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
