filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
