Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
