I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
