Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I pour the whiskey from now on
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize