the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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