6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
