Where is the hickey?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
