i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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