Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize