I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
