i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
