These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
