yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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