I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
