I cannot find my penis.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
