I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
another moral hangover. fuck.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
