If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
