It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
