I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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