i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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