what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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