Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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