Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
