i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
