I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i think my cat just said my name.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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