she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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