is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
