k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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