so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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