Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
