hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
