Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
