I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
