Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
