Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
love makes seman taste better
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
