Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Randomize
