Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
