ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
