Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
