I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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