I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
