The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
