party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
