Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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