i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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