just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
