It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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